We are Wells Filled Abundantly
In life it can seem at times like it’s nothing but complete and utter chaos all around. Chaos can create much confusion. We all have experienced this in life. Regular everyday life can be very much like this. When we are traveling through loss and grief it seems to add endless layers and facets to the element of confusion and chaos in our lives. The chaos and confusion that comes from grief and loss just complicates, amplifies, intensifies and exasperates everything and touches all areas of our lives. Nothing is left unimpacted or untouched by the effects of grief and loss.
Grief can create immense and profound confusion in our mindset and just discombobulate so much in our lives. Grief often is the source and creator of countless and endless questions that consume our thoughts. Finding a way to be free from chaos and achieve clarity and peace of mind on the journey of grief and loss can be most challenging for us. In grief the antidote to confusion is found in clarity. Likewise the antidote to chaos is found in care.
As you read this, you may be wondering how I can ever have clarity and care after loss or grief. I will confess that it is a process, a struggle, and a hard journey. If we want to find our way out of the confusion and chaos and we know what the antidote is to them. We must seek out clarity and care and ways or opportunities to have and receive the clarity and care we so desperately seek and need. I do want to submit a disclaimer in life and more so in grief there will be some things we will never control, can’t understand, have answers to, or gain clarity on. That being said though, we can work toward having clarity and care in the areas that are within our control. We can understand and seek the answers that can be found so that we can have clarity in this journey.
For me and my point of view, the key that can unlock having clarity, freedom from chaos, and also allows for a good healthy, positive, and abundant mindset is the idea of care and more importantly self care. Stay with me here through this chapter and I will show how this all connects. I definitely will be taking some time here to really dive deep into this key of Finding Grace Through Grief. I can share with you my own experience and what I’ve learned along the way.
I dare to have a moment of confession here. I was for the longest time in my own journey not the best at self care. I often felt I truly didn’t have time to take care of myself. This was when I was in New Hampshire married to my beloved, and we were both in grad school. John had his military career and duties. When I started grad school in 2011 we had an 8 month daughter and in the five years time of my grad school we had a son in 2013. By the time I was done with my graduate work our babies were six and three.
That may not seem like a lot, but here are some things to keep in mind regarding that. First of all, we were 26 hours away from most of our family and friends. I live my life with a disability of legal blindness. What that looks like in reality daily is that I don’t drive, not a good idea when legally blind. The other main impact is that it takes way longer to do everything.
Keep in mind I don’t work outside the home, but when I was done with my graduate work I got 30 to 50 hours back in my week that was solely taken up by graduate work. I didn’t have readers to help with the workload of my graduate program as I was accustomed to as I had one previously in other school programs. All I did between April of 2011 and May of 2016 was run our household, take care of our babies, school, school, and more school and be with John. As much as this may not be something one should admit there were weeks that I barely got to shower.
My point to all is that early in my life in a different busy season, particularly as a new mom, I didn’t take or make the time for selfcare. I can tell you also during that time I was always completely overloaded, frazzled, stretched thin, stressed, overwhelmed, and continually risking running on empty. I was always juggling beyond way too much and worried I was dropping one of the essential balls in my juggling act and life. Fast forward to 2017 and the last five plus years since the loss of my beloved and traveling through grief, solo parenting, and carrying the beyond immensely overwhelming physical and mental load of everything now in this journey. Without a doubt I have learned that on this journey of grief and loss that making and taking time for self care is fundamental and essential to not drowning. Self care can make all the difference and take you from surviving to thriving in this journey of grief and loss.
When looking at or considering the idea of self care there is so much surrounding this topic and what goes into it. First, we should understand how to see ourselves relate to this topic. Think of a well that’s filled with good, nourishing cool water ready to be given to any who comes who is thirty and seeking water to replenish and quench their thirst. A well can only do this if it has something to give and offer. A well can not serve this purpose if it is found empty and dried up and thus rendered useless.
What good is a dry well to those who are thirsty and seek replenishment? A dried and empty well can not offer nourishment that quenches thirst or replenishes and rejuvenates those who thirst and seek their thirst to be satisfied. Thus, an empty and dry well is rendered useless and can’t serve its purpose in any way. Once empty, a well no longer has a purpose and has lost its usefulness. Kind of much like what was meant in Mark 9:50 referring to one’s saltiness and having favor.
Salt is good,
But if the salt has lost its saltiness,
How will you make it salty again?
Have salt in yourselves,
and be at peace with one another.
Mark 9: 50
Just as an empty and dry well cannot fulfill our need and satisfy or quench our thirst so is it with us as people who have purposes to fulfill and serve. However, if you and I as wells are found empty and are dry because it is no longer filled with water then how can you be useful or serve the purpose we were called to do. How can you and I be of use and helpful if we no longer have anything to offer those we serve and love? If we are overwhelmed, burnt out, drained, overworked, stressed out to the max, and frazzled by meeting ourselves coming and going because we have burned both ends of our candle what we are then left with and able to do?
You and I can’t do all we do and extend ourselves to the point of becoming these things that we have given out all our water, poured it out to the point of being empty with nothing left to give. The result of this is being physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually depleted, drained, overwhelmed, overly exhausted, burnt out, and frayed at our ends. This then makes us where we are not able to do and be who we want to be and are called to be. We will not become the best version of ourselves by consistently and constantly giving, giving, and giving to the point we don’t replenish what is being given and thus leaving us empty and unable to keep serving our purpose.
In no way am I saying that giving and serving is bad. Being a servant and having a servant’s heart and having a giving spirit is amazing and what we should do. The problem is found when we have not found the right balance and are imbalanced to the point of becoming empty. The question then becomes how do we remedy this situation? The vaccine or antidote to this is found in our ability to ensure we are putting back in, replenishing, refueling, and restocking what is going out. It is unreasonable and unrealistic to expect that there will always be a supply of what is needed if when given its never refilled with what had been used. You and I need to learn how to refill and replenish our wells so we can serve, live our purpose, live our best lives. and thrive. Let’s explore how to do that through self care so that we are our best selves and living our best lives and thriving.