Debunking the Many Myths Surrounding Selfcare
Considering all the aspects that we have covered so far on self care, let’s now turn our attention to discussing and contemplating some mindsets that we have related to self care. This may require you to have a shift in your mindset. You may have to change how you view self care and maybe debunk your thoughts you had previously on self care. I would like to propose what might seem like some life hacks going forward relevant to selfcare. The first of the two is the thought or perception that self care is seen by some as either lazy or selfish. I can understand and see why some would feel that way about this topic, but I can tell with great certainty that it’s neither lazy nor selfish.
I would contend that self care is the exact opposite. Moreover, I would agree that not taking time for self care and not doing self care is what is selfish. I will explain why I say what I say that and how I make my case in advocating strongly for self care. First, let’s look at the reason for the perception held by some about self care. For some they hear the word self and the idea of focusing on the self so that they can communicate and indicate to those that this must be a very selfish choice of the person who does self care to be focused on themselves. However, what they fail to see and understand is that those who choose selfcare are only focusing on themselves to protect and help maintain their healthy mental, physical, and spiritual wellness and who they are so they can be the best version of themselves. It’s through doing a few simple things of self care that they will be able to have a continually filled well of nourishing water to provide to others and serve others.
Now to the second point for the naysayer of self care, it’s lazy, well this is my rebuttal to that. If a person works so much or maybe a workaholic to the point of risking being completely being rundown, overloaded, burned out, overwhelmed, stressed out, constantly frazzled, and never stopping to take a breath, a break, and rest to the point of they are not able to function, or manage their lives and be the best version they need to be for those in their life. Then, I ask if that is selfish or selfless? I mean are these patterns good for the individual or those in their lives? This style of living, choices, habits, or pattern of behavior such as; completely being rundown, overloaded, burnout, overwhelmed, stressed out, constantly frazzled could possibly lead to a myriad of health concerns, due to stress level, not having time to eat properly, exercise, good diet, or staying fit.
How many times have we known someone and their family that their health issues were tied to their way of living and lifestyle choices? Yes, there are some things unavoidable due to genetics, but how many might be preventable. So it wouldn’t be worth it if it’s up to us, in our hands, and under control to take a good prescription of a healthy dose of self care to take a break, take a breath, to rest, and ensure our well being and ensure that we are healthy and well for ourselves and those in our lives. Moreover, we are able to still do what we love and what we are called to do because we run on a well that is not depleted, risk running dry, but prepared will have a good, healthy flowing supply of water and nourishment. I ask you which u do you consider to be the selfish choice not doing self care or filling the prescription of taking time for self care.
I think a huge part of the equation for most people regarding self care
is that they feel they can’t stop and take time away for themselves. They fear if they do the world will come crashing down around them if they do something for themselves. When they do take time for themselves they feel guilty for doing so. At the other end of the spectrum of how we feel or action related to self care, I think more so in the case with women, when we put off for so long over years of neglecting or ignoring or pushing down our needs, wants and desires we finally one day wake up and say screw it. I’m done and I’m not doing this any more. I had enough, it’s my turn. When any of us find ourselves in that position we can find ourselves at risk for equally not good outcomes for not choosing selfcare.
I say let’s change this equation and mindset we have around selfcare. I say let’s make a shift in our mindset. What if instead of worrying or feeling guilty for doing something for ourselves what if we flip the script and narrative that we have been writing and telling ourselves on the choice of selfcare. What if we wrote this new narrative and script that said that self care is good, healthy, needed, and okay to do and not to feel guilty? Let’s write a new narrative that says I give myself permission to take care of myself and do self care without a dose of guilt.
I think there is another facet to this discussion that a lot of us contend with is the idea of our self worth. I think for some we don’t do things for ourselves because we don’t think of ourselves as worthy or worthwhile so what does it matter. We aren’t important so our needs don’t matter, aren’t important and so oftentimes takes a backseat to others. What if we practice the narrative of when I do self care I’m choosing to say my needs are important too and it’s okay. I’m choosing to see caring for me and my needs are worthy of care and the time to do so. It’s worth taking the time to do something for me and fill my own cup, soul and well. I’m choosing to see the value and importance of doing self care.
Sometimes it’s needed and okay to not do all the things. Sometimes the best thing to do means less is more and take it at the pace needed for right now. Some days I find I can do more and some days I can do less. I’m learning to be okay with that. Because I have learned that in those moments of needing to do less, focus on me, my needs, my care, and being replenished, refueled, rejuvenated I come back able to do more and do it well and be more focused and productive. Opposed to if I had just kept going and pushed through to the point of overriding it.
I felt this always but even more so now I’m having to walk a fine line and maintain a very precarious balance between being a Martha doing what is required and choosing to be Mary by doing what I may need to do for me or want to do. An aspect of this is balancing the need to be in community and with my tribe or pulling back and turtling, as I call it. Sometimes I need the connection of community as a part of my self care, but then equally important is the time away to have space and time for me and my selfcare. It’s important to learn ourselves well enough to know what we need when we need it. Moreover, to be able to know how to strike and create the right blend and balance for this and our needs mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually and our self care.
Moreover when traveling the journey of loss and grief our bodies and minds can’t be or do what we may want them to do. Our minds and bodies aren’t able because they aren’t at the level they were prior to walking through grief and loss. The reason for this is that grief and loss is such an immense, immeasurable, vast, invasive, profound, engulfing, and encompassing distraction that takes up all the energy and mental and emotional space. It’s hard to do anything in daily life, much less be our usual overachiever self doing all the things and juggling all of it and the extra as well. I do know that no matter how much it may annoy or completely frustrate my productive and over achiever feathers, as I call it, trying to continue in this manner when my mind and body is not able will only make things and matter worse and slow down any progress on my goals. More importantly, slowing down or coming to a complete screeching halt my ability to continue to travel on my journey. Thus, I’ve learned I’m much better off and so is everyone and everything else in my life if I take time to care for myself.
In giving consideration to the possible myths and inaccurate mindset one may have surrounding self care, what are your own thoughts about self care? How do you see the idea of self care now? What is your definition of self care? Do you see the value and importance of self care? How do you see that you and your needs are important and that you are worth it? What does self care mean to you? How or what ways can you take care of you? What do you enjoy doing or what are your passions? What can you do to be and live your best life so that you are having an abundant mindset, living abundantly, and thriving in life?